A Muggle in Wonderland
by Neekazan
Summary: Dudley must make his way to Hogwarts to apologize to Harry for falsely accusing him of attacking him, and writes a journal chronicling his misadventures. This takes place during The Order of the Phoenix and is obviously very AU.
1. Chapter 1: Intro & News

**17 September, 1995:** I, Dudley Dursley, must be out of my mind! Yes, that must be the case, for I am doing something for which I'm sure my father would throttle me, and probably make my dear mum faint.

This is my first day back to school after having been in hospital for a couple weeks after being attacked by some shadow thing. My cousin Harry, whom I have bullied all his life, saved me. I'm not quite sure what that shadow thing was, but it was terrifying! I felt as though I was being eaten... not physically, but... I know this sounds crazy... but my soul was being sucked out of me by this cold shadow thing.

I don't know why Harry saved me. The way I treated him, I wouldn't blame him if he'd left me to die.

That is why I am doing this.

I have to go thank him.

I can't wait 'til the end of the school year when he comes back for Christmas or summer vacation. I can't wait, because I also have to apologize. When he brought me back home after he saved me, I was confused. I told mum and father he put me in the state I was... which was a very weak, confused state, I can assure you.

Well, I have to get to wherever this Hogwarts place is. Trouble is, I have no idea how to get there!

Yesterday, I wrote a note and went to the local zoo. I snuck a key from one of the keepers who was coming out of the aviary cage. I managed to get an owl. The stupid feather brained fowl bit me! Almost took my finger off, it did! I finally managed to tie the note to it's leg and let it go.

I hope the damned bird makes it to Hogwarts and they let me come thank Harry and make amends.

My finger still hurts. I hope it's not becoming infected!

**17 September, 1995, evening:** My owl theft made the news, and they said they found blood and feathers at the scene. They weren't sure if the blood was from the owl or from the thief (me), but forensics would be able to trace it to the culprit (me) if it wasn't the bird's. I have a feeling I'm going to be in really big trouble soon.

Should I tell the truth when I'm caught?

I hate to admit this, but I don't think I'm smart enough to make up a lie everyone would believe. Mum will take my word no matter how stupid it sounds because she loves me... I'm her little Dudleykins, after all... and father will go along with her because he's about as stupid as me. Anyone outside my family will know I'm lying.

So, I probably should go with the truth. At least I'll get in trouble for the right thing instead of getting in trouble for both stealing _and_ telling a lie.

I just hope I get to go to Hogwarts to apologize to Harry _before _I get in trouble.


	2. Chapter 2: Messenger

**20 September, 1995, early morning:** I'm sorry my writing is rather sloppy right now... actually it's worse than sloppy, but I can't think of a better word. It's because I'm writing with my off hand. The hand I usually write with is swollen and looks as red as an apple, and it feels very hot to the touch. I think it's become infected. I tried to keep it clean (as well as hidden from my parents and everyone at school by keeping my boxing glove on... I said it was for good luck... everyone's saying it must be some strange thing 'cause I'm mental).

Anyway, I _finally _received a message from Headmaster Dumbledore of Hogwarts a few minutes ago. I was rudely awakened by some scraping sound on my bedroom window. When I opened the blinds, there was this crazy looking yet beautiful bird on the sill. It had quite a long tail, and looked like a cross between a flamingo and a peacock though more graceful looking. Thankfully, it didn't wake mum and dad. Anyway, the message... It was rather bad news. The headmaster said it wasn't a good time for me to come there since there is a very mean wizard who hates muggles (non-wizard/witches like me). In fact, he pointed out a few news stories I saw on the telly that had the evil bloke's name all over it... though I don't recall the reporters saying the name Volmawhatsis. He... the headmaster, not the evil wizard... summed up the letter by saying he'll give my message to Harry.

I wrote back to him, saying that since this Voldmawhatsis is already doing bad things here in the muggle world, I'd be just as safe at Hogwarts as here, and that I really have to tell Harry in person, and soon because I'm not sure how long it will be before they track the blood in the bird house to me. I also apologised to him for my sloppy penmanship and explained as I did at the beginning of this writing the reason for it.

Well, I'm knackered, so I'm going back to bed.


	3. Chapter 3: Hogwarts!

**21 September, 1995:** I'm at Hogwarts!

Okay, backtrack a bit. I woke up this morning in a bed that was obviously not my own... the mattress was more firm, and the pillow much too thick (I'm not complaining, that's just an observation). I couldn't remember how I got there, nor did I know where 'there' was. I sat up and some old lady came over and greeted me and told me I was at Hogwarts in the hospital wing. Her name was Madame Pomfrey, and she also told me I'd been sleeping for over a day. I vaguely remember some fellow with an impossibly long beard appearing at the foot of my bed (my bed at home, not here at Hogwarts)... I think he introduced himself as Professor Dumbledore, but my head was pounding and everything felt rather wonky.

Anyway, Madame Pomfrey gave me some absolutely noxious tasting medicine that I could barely keep down, but after some mild burning sensation in every bit of my body, I felt much better, though still weak. She told me to go back to sleep, and when I woke up I would feel stronger. No sooner had she finished speaking, then I was asleep.

When I woke up later, Harry was sitting by my bedside. At first, I thought I was dreaming. We just stared at each other for what seemed to me an interminably long time before I cleared my throat and asked him if he was real. He started laughing, and I did too. I'm not sure when my laughter turned into crying. For a moment it sounded the same. But I suddenly had tears in my eyes, and I said, "Please forgive me, Harry!"

I wasn't even talking about accidentally implicating that he put me in the state I was in back in August. I was apologising for how I treated him all our life. I was so brutal. I found myself babbling all the things I'd done to him that I could remember... from tossing a bowl of strained peas in his face when we were toddlers and stuffing the loo with toys then flushing it to make it overflow and saying he did it, to more physical and emotional abuse getting meaner as we grew older.

"Dudley, enough!" He grabbed my hand, and I shut up. He just smiled down at me.

It was so strange... or I guess amazing is more appropriate. It was like in that moment, we were _friends_... like all those years of us being enemies... well not really enemies... I'm not sure how to describe it. I looked at him like he was... a threat even though he did nothing to me. I don't know why. I had to put him in his place. But in that moment, I knew I was forgiven.

I'm not sure how to describe the feeling I had.

Relief, yes, but it was more.

Grateful, yes, but not just that.

Harry's eyes met mine, and for the first time I felt a real kinship with him. We're no longer cousins, but... brothers.

Father's gonna mess his drawers.

**21 September, 1995, part 2:** I found out after I wrote my last entry that the poor owl I stole was attacked by the other owls that were real wizard messenger birds instead of ordinary owls. Part of me was glad it was hurt because of how it almost took my finger off, but only a part. I feel bad for it. I guess I'm lucky it even reached Hogwarts. I'm glad this Hagrid fellow Harry told me about is helping it. When I told Harry that that name sounded familiar but couldn't place it, he started laughing and reminded me about the first year he came to Hogwarts and Hagrid had given me a pig tail using his umbrella.

I deserved that, but I'm not sure I ever wish to meet Hagrid again.

Harry also explained how I got here. Headmaster Dumbledore aspirated***** me here... whatever that means. I don't want to ask him what it means because I already feel stupid. There's so much about this wizard world I don't understand.

***Author's note: **Dudley means apparated.


	4. Chapter 4: Masquerade

**22 September, 1995:** Okay, I'm still at Hogwarts because of all the crazy stuff that is happening both in the wizard world and what the wizards call the muggle world. Harry took me to the headmaster's office. Mr. Dumbledore... his name sounds silly, but he isn't... was delighted at how much better I looked. He apologized that he hadn't come to visit me in the school *****infermary after having dropped me off there, even though he's a very busy man. He'd been concerned about me, which is really nice. He told me I was safer here for the time being. So, I'm going to be pretending to be a late-blooming wizard (apparently, those are rather rare, but not unheard of). I'll be taking classes with the first years. He gave me a fake wand. I'm kind of nervous about this. I have no idea what I'm gonna do if I have to actually _use_ it!

After the meeting with headmaster, Harry took me to the Griffyndor dormitory. The teacher in charge of the Griffyndor House is an elderly teacher named Miss *****McGonagal. She seems to be a stern woman, but fair. The other students (with the exception of his closest friends) seemed friendly enough, but of course they were all busy, so didn't pay too much attention to me once the introductions ended... which is fine with me actually, as I'm feeling rather... can't think of the name for it... it's just all too much!

Harry's closest friends are Ron Weasely, a tall skinny red-headed guy who seems to have taken an instant disliking to me (I think it's because he knows how I used to treat Harry), and Hermione Granger, a rather pretty girl whose family are muggles (she doesn't seem to trust me, again probably because she knows my past history with Harry, but also seemed ready to give me a chance). I think they like each other... Ron and Hermione, that is. I mean, _really _like each other... not just as friends, but they haven't admitted it yet. I know because it's what happened to one of my mates... Graham Burtram was always arguing with this one girl, Wendy Petry, then all of a sudden one day, they're all lovey dovey, holding hands, making googly eyes at each other and snogging each other whenever they get the chance. I hope someone kicks me in the arse if I become that sickening with some stupid girl.

* **Author's Note:** infirmary and McGonagall... Dudley doesn't spell to well. LOL


	5. Chapter 5: Budding

**23 September, 1995:** Today I attended classes with the first year students. I learned something that had nothing to do with the different magic stuff... we are all _human_, no matter if we are wizard or muggle. What made me realize this is the potions class. I could tell Professor Snape preferred his special students (the ones that were in his Slytherin House) to the others (who were in the other houses) and especially was scornful of the ones who belonged to Gryffindor.

Another thing that made me realize this was after classes... I became rather turned around and was lost. I came upon a scene that was so familiar... three bullies were picking on a girl. She was really pretty... long flowing blonde hair and big blue eyes. As I watched, I remember being in the place of the boy in the middle... his name is Draco Malfoy... it felt strange watching him. I hated him... and myself for identifying with him.

The girl... I had to go help her.

I know how to deal with bullies because I was one my whole life. I went over and stood between them and the girl. I didn't even give them a chance to do anything. I just said, leave her alone, and punched Draco square in the nose. I knocked him out. The other two ran away.

"Come on!" I took the girl's hand and was going to leave Draco lying there on the floor, but she pulled her hand away.

"Wait!" She knelt beside Draco, and did something with her wand and said some word I can't remember... and the boy's nose abruptly stopped bleeding, though the blood that had already come out of his nose still covered the lower part of his face. He moaned and as he sat up, the girl then stood and took me by the hand and led me away. "I couldn't leave him like that," she said as we turned a corner. We turned a few more corners and up several staircases, then she stopped. She looked up at me and all I could do was stare at her. I couldn't say a word. She was too beautiful to speak to.

She blushed slightly and let go of my hand. "Thank you for helping me though."

I still couldn't speak, but nodded. I felt so stupid.

"You're the new kid, right?"

Again, I just nodded.

"I'm Luna Lovegood," she introduced herself and held out a hand. I just stood there. I couldn't move or speak. All I could do was look into those eyes. I felt like I was drowning. "What's your name again?"

I stammered and darn it, I mispronounced my own name! I'm such a dunce. "Dudsley Durzy."

She smiled at me. Oh she is so much more beautiful when she smiles. "Okay, Dudsley, thanks again. I have to go. I hope to see you again."

I could only nod, and then she walked away.

Dudsley Durzy. Dang, but how she said it sounded nice. I like her voice... it's like a lark.

Then I noticed I was next to the portal for the Gryffindor house. I wonder if Luna knew I was lost and led me here on purpose. Trouble is, I couldn't remember the password so I had to wait for another student to come either in or out before I could go in.

The boy who let me in was Neville Longbottom. He's a good bloke. He could tell how embarrassed and awkward I felt, and he admitted that he had a penchant for forgetting the password, too. We got to talking, and he helped me with my homework. I don't think I could have completed it without his help.

I realized something in the middle of our conversation. I really have changed.

Here I was, getting along with people my friends and I would have beaten up just a few weeks ago. I think I'm beginning to like the new me.


End file.
